“Could you explain the “human adulthood” part more? I read it in one of McKenna’s books and you mentioned it in some posts, but could you give some more details about it and how to get there? I don´t really get it what it really means”, asked Christoph
Any fact of a human life begins to look complicated when given a name and an elaborate description to go with it. It reminds me of a centipede who was once asked how it can use all those 100 legs. Centipede thought of an answer and… forgot how to walk. So if you want me to write a complex philosophical treatise on adulthood, with quotes from ‘specialists in the field’ and obscure terminology – look away.
Human adulthood hey… let’s start with the basic truth:
The development of a human child into an adult is BLOCKED in most human children by clueless humans who are physically adult and yet mentally on the same plane as their kids – minus the open sincerity of their children.
Observe and tell me.. how many adults participate in this scene?
Little Sophia doesn’t get what she wants, so she throws a tantrum to:
- vent her frustration
- show her mother just how angry she is
- assert herself as an independent entity
- get the object she was denied (potentially, as getting the object here is not the prime motivation)
There is no conscious thinking behind the tantrum, only an overwhelming surge of emotion on Sophia’s part. But she is a young kid not knowing there is another way to handle the situation. We cannot blame her for the tantrum; we can only show her there are other ways.
Does her mother do that? Nope. As she herself is not a human adult she takes the most predictable route of humiliating and denigrating her own kid, without even being aware of it:
- films her daughter and PLACES THIS ON YOUTUBE! Fuck me, that’s some serious loving going on there! Don’t underestimate Sophia’s intelligence: it is hardly unlikely she appreciates being filmed, especially in the state she is in. Where is the respect for this little human’s privacy? Respect for YOUR OWN CHILD? Would YOU like to be filmed when you are crying, and than to find the record publicly logged for posterity, for all to observe? When my son was FIVE I asked for his agreement to share his toys or to change the TV channels.
- orders her daughter to pick various objects off the floor. Now, there is nothing wrong with requesting that, except the child has to learn to WANT to do that themselves. Not because a scary big adult screams at you and orders you to do that, but because they realise the error of their ways. This is when a child begins to see such a thing as responsibility for own acts. It is absolutely possible to help a young kid to see that they’ve fucked up, without making them feel like shit about themselves.
- orders her daughter to go to her room, a safe ‘go-to’ deployed by most parents, but very damaging in the long run (the run of your entire life!). The problem has not been discussed. Sophia’s frustration has not been acknowledged. She is treated like a little brat whose emotional state can be ignored or shut down by an adult in charge, when in reality she is a little human being, with intelligence and thinking of her own. All she needs is a gentle guidance to a place where she can reflect on the level of her age group, and see herself clearly.
- threatens her daughter in various ways, such as that she will never watch TV again. Now, threats are bad enough in themselves, but this one is also a big lie, and do you think Sophia doesn’t know that? Of course she will watch TV again, this babysitter of modern days. Her mother is bluffing, and the little girl knows that.
This is just a short list of so called human parenting (in this case, mothering). it is quite innocuous compared to what takes place behind closed doors in some of the families, but this is one example of parenting that cripples youngsters, arrests their normal development and will keep their mentality on the level of a ten year old for the rest of their lives. This one will keep you locked in two states for life: either a schoolyard bully or a submissive human schlock.
The point is.. after around the age of two a child has her own mind, and it is up to you, an ADULT, to help the kid learn how to negotiate own states as well as how to deal with others’.
Now, look back at each of the points and ask yourself what a human adult would do.
How would a human adult handle the situation? Because the above is NOT the way of a human adult. And you may think it’s trivia, and well.. in this day and age many people place videos like that on the internet all the time.. and hey.. many parents shout “Go to your room!’.. and hey.. how many do not acknowledge their child’s state of being.. what’s new?
Nothing new, just a juvenile way to deal with the juveniles. I never said to my son ‘Go to your room’. Ever. We had an unspoken rule: never go to bed without first sorting out a disagreement. We didn’t have many, but disagreements fester. The night slept on a disagreement may turn you two into inflexible intolerant babies. Do not let it happen, do not give the mind a chance to stew and run dialogues in your head for half the night. Deal with it there and then.
“Mum, I never forgot something you once said to me. You said ‘We all screw up our kids one way or another'”.
“True. I said that. Do you feel screwed up?”
“No. You stopped mothering me when I was ten”.
“And? How do you feel about that? Or felt then?
“Really grateful. Got to be my own person”.
“Do you realise when you were around five, my friends said I was an overprotective mother?”
“Nope, didn’t know that”
“Well, they did. But you needed it then.. this tiny helpless human being who didn’t ask to be here. It was up to me to make sure he is OK, to give him the tools to be OK and to thrive into adulthood”.
If you want to really investigate human adulthood, start with looking at those who took care of you when you were young, and ask yourself: were they adult in their treatment of you? Did they treat you as an equal? Start there.
Oh yeah… an adult tantrum is called ‘a hissy fit’.
(to be continued)