I didn’t travel to Cambodia with an intention of discovering the real identity of Kenneth (Jed). It evolved organically as I began to sense a disconnect between what Jed conveyed to his audience on IGF, and what seemed to be taking place in his real physical life. As I settled into Cambodia and began to get familiar with the hidden side of the country, my emails to Kenneth became increasingly questioning, and not at all about the content of his books. The books, ANY books on the subject of ‘enlightenment’ – were the thing of the past, I had read very few prior to The Big Bang. I was instinctively following Jed’s message, my main lesson taken from the previous two years – think for yourself.
In October 2015, when the true picture slowly started to emerge, I sent Kenneth (Jed) an email below. In this email I say the stakes are much higher than the pennies I would owe him for the books. I had no idea at the time, but it proved to be correct. At that point I also had no idea about his real name and his past life. Still, it already felt seedy and untrue.
I wanted so much to be proven wrong and kept looking for the confirmation of that. But all I found was facts, facts, facts. Facts.
Keep in mind that it had been unravelling for a couple of years prior, and the email is the result of sudden conprehension that books have nothing to do with the real human who wrote them, so it feels quite charged.
Books ‘teach’ something which can only be learnt from life experience and keeping an open mind. I feel vulnerable publishing this and will get a lot of flack from humans who pretend to be strong and not caring, who wear masks and play games of being something they are not. Superhuman. Not real. But I know it is a lie. Vulnerability is something most are scared of.
I saw a beautiful vulnerability in Jed as a human, which he chose to conceal. Don’t most of us lie.
You have destroyed, COMPLETELY DESTROYED my last standing belief – in the integrity of SOME people.. that some people out there walk the talk, practice what they preach etc. etc…
The signs were there, Cuddly, and I chose to ignore them.
PP can be pretty dangerous, I hear stories from the boys every day, some of them simply lose their heads here… cheap booze, cheap women, cheap drugs, cheap money dealings. I choose not to, not of interest to me. No danger. What WERE you doing in Vietnam that it had become dangerous and as you said you would have died if you didn’t get out? If I want to stay out of trouble and dangerous situations – it is EASY.
What?? I hope you haven’t murdered anyone.
Next… the so called girlfriend. It was a BIG red flag, and again… I chose to overlook it. How, just HOW could you, when you preach the non existence of relationships, and what kind of a relationship can it be, with someone who has NO CLUE?? Equal? Happy? A good fuck? You did a barter deal, like all the guys who come here and get mersmerised by the local girls. Don’t you dare telling me this is not the case. I WAS that girl once, not a prostitute by all means, just a student back in Russia fascinated by a Western man.. the only two REAL things that came out of it were my fantastically evolved son and my perfect knowledge of English. The rest was sex, sex, SEX, infatuation, all lies based on.. well, it was different, that’s all, a fascination based on some psychological compatibility, love of sex and differences enough to keep one enthralled for a time.. I know how the story goes, because I have lived it.
At least my Nemesis saw through that lie of relationships with bunnies, and chose to wait.. and if one never comes – he’ d wait forever. Sex – doesnt count, I was perfectly fine with my husband fucking other women, who knew about it as well. Sex has NOTHING to do with the bond.
Next… money. Fucking money. You were gracious enough to decline payment for the books, but hey, that’s a drop in the ocean. Yes, you do need to get paid for what you are doing, don’t get me wrong. But there are some things in that which are… questionable. Which is about the Forum. The recruitment ground for the idiots who will gladly give away their personal knowing, together with cash and god knows what else they have – for someone like you to take responsibility for their evolution. Blind fools.
And you did all that so cunningly, so… manipulatively… WHO ARE YOU? How much evil is in that head of yours? When you said to me ‘So you stole my books, good on ya’… I then felt it odd, because.. because.. because it meant you would do the same without hesitation, except the STAKES are much higher.
Love is the only engine of survival. LOVE, not the human pissy version – is about ONE thing only: NOT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of a fellow human being. In ANY way. So you never answered my question back on the Forum.. do you believe in the survival of the fittest?
I’m gonna send this while it’s hot, and I don’t judge you, who am I to judge?? But you fucking chose to lie to me, and to others. YOU HAVE CHOSEN THIS!
And I still love you, you bloody fool and a cheater.. who are you cheating on, but yourself? YOURSELF, Cuddly. No Self? All is relative. You care. You have feelings, I HAVE SEEN IT, don’t you fool me, I’m not an idiot.
There is one question I want to ask you, even if you choose to ignore.. Have you been more of a listener than a talker even prior to TR?
That’s all I want to know. It’ll give me an understanding of how my own process is unfolding.. the rest – I see clear enough. I just wanted to believe you were real. And yes, you said to me once Í am a scam, you are a scam’… Maybe so, but I haven’t treated anyone as a scam. Ask anyone who knows me.
You killed ALL for me, even yourself. Still feel the bond, but that’s just what is, fucking matters naught. And I had to get this out, it has been brewing for weeks now, all thrown in the cauldron, nothing withstands. It is a slow murder, churning and churning within me, you have no idea just HOW MUCH I would LOVE to be wrong.
Kenneth did reply to this email. It was one of very few instances when he was real.
When these articles began writing themselves, it first said ‘two encounters’, but as I kept meeting Jed in various places, I simply changed the title. Most meetings took place in strange circumstances, unplanned, and some downright unexplainable from any standpoint.